Whirlwind of emotions.

Wow, it's crazy how much Satan can pull us down when we let him. I have just had a couple of the most hard days at Capernwray. I was in fact packed up, and almost ready to go home. I've never been in such despair about any situation. For the last couple of weeks I have been fighting off some bad exema, but it just wasn't going. At the weekend, it flared up much worse than at any other time. Putting that and the night terrors I've been having together, it was noticed that perhaps I'm stressed out. I mean, I don't feel stressed? But apparently that happens? I guess it would make sense with such a big change about to happen. However, my biggest problem with all of this was, again, I'd forgotten to let God into this situation. Along with the sickness - if you can call it that - I still continued to feel slightly out of place. To have gone from knowing almost everyone at school - to not being sure whether someone's a visitor, or infact a student - my emotions got the better of me. This was  Satan's perfect time to speak into my life, and I began to listen. I was so set on going home, I wouldn't let anyone tell me different. As I went to sleep on Monday night, I tossed and turned, and struggled to get to seleep. I woke up on Tuesday a little less stressed, and i guess with a bit of a more open mind to what people had to say. Having spoke with people the previous night, I replayed those conversations, and also talked with a couple of other people and decided that here is exactly where I need to be. 

Capernwray is a great place to make life-long friends. But that isn't the reason I'm there. I'm there to seek out a deeper relationship and knowledge of my Heavenly Father. I have made some good friendships at Capernwray during Spring School, and one explained to me how she wished she was in my situation. At first, I thought this was weird; rashed, not sleeping, lonely in a house full of friends and longing to get out, WHY would anyone want to be where I was. Then it clicked. This is the time God wants to work through my life the most.

I took some advice from an older mentor, and took some time out to relax. When asked what I do to relax, I had to pause for a minute. Then it came to me, I love to bake. And with a friends birthday tomorrow, it was great timing to incorporate spending time with God, alone in a home, whilst doing something I enjoy.

The past two days have still been difficult, but I have been much more at peace, and I am starting to heal. We all need to be constantly reminded of the truth that comes from Deuteronomy 31:6. Yes, it was said for them, but it very much applies to us too: "He will never leave you, nor forsake you" He was just waiting for me to notice that He was standing with His arms open wide, beckoning me to come to Him. 

This hasn't been the most ideal way to end Bible School, but being broken down to the point where the only thing I can do is rely on God to get me through has been one of the best things that could have happened. We've just finished a week of lectures on where we were looking at the gifts, passions and the type of person we are that makes us who were are and it has been great. 


I'm shocked at how quickly this time has gone, but it's only a week or so more and I will be home with my family. I'm so excited, but I'm also so glad that I have chosen to stay here - even if it took some persuading. My time here hasn't been all bad. I've had some amazing talks with people, and some hilarious times with my friends. I also completed my level two kayak cert, and so that was a super fun day! 




If you could pray for the healing of my skin and that the night terrors go away, and also that I keep my focus on God as I finish up this last week here, I would really appreciate it! Thanks! :)