A heart to heart on my heart.

My Spring semester at Moody has been my hardest of college yet, but there has been so much growth and learning involved I'm kinda thankful it was so difficult! (Never thought I'd ever say that.) Allow me to take some time to explain to you some of the things I've been mooching over for the last few weeks.

I began the semester on a bit of a funny note. I had been challenged to really seek out the pieces of my life that were distracting me from coming closer in relationship with God. I hadn't realised this would be such a painful and difficult process. 

Like many girls my age, looking around and seeing my friends dating, getting in relationships and even some getting married was a struggle when I seemed to be the only one riding life by myself. I had come into this year of college with an attitude that I would NOT be one of the people just trying to find a husband. Yet, as I slowly started to examine my thought process when it came to guys, I was most definitely kidding myself. This needed to change, because if it didn't, my attitude was going to get worse, my relationship with Christ was slowly, but majorly going to suffer and my friendships with guys would become confusing and false.

But this wasn't the only thing going on within me. I had problems that I needed to deal with. These were dealings I needed to put on the table, repent and ask for forgiveness and strength to deal with through the Lord. Through His great grace and mercy, this semester has seen a number of these major blocks broken down and dealt with. It reminded me of the skit guys skit, "God's chisel" Through their skit, they show a man who wants to become a sold-out Christ follower, but needs Christ to help him become that. It gave the image of God removing the sinful areas in our lives so that bit by bit, we can slowly become more and more like Christ, rather than more and more like the world. This is exactly what the Lord has been doing in my life this semester, though having large pieces of your life chiselled out of you is extremely painful.

For a number of weeks I spent hours alone in my room, buying into the lies that no-one wanted to be around me, that I was disliked and useless to be around. I was falling deeper into my secret sins, and choosing to hide away rather than seek God for help and forgiveness. It was at this point God made his presence known. Not because he had been gone, and decided to finally show up, but because I'd come to a point (one I'd been in almost a year before) and realised I NEEDED Him. After crying out, questioning how a God who supposedly loves me and cares for me so much could let me go through such pain, I finally began to see exactly how he could allow that. He didn't want me to be in pain, or to be hurting, but I had allowed myself to get in that place. But God loves us SO much, that He never left me one minute. Though he seemed distant - due to my own ignorance - he had never left me alone. He was with me through everything, and he has been giving me the strength to deal with my problems head on, and to become comfortable in the person and the body he has given me. 

I have been using the circumference of a circle a lot recently when talking about my faith. I have no idea why, but it just seems logical in my brain. God radically 180'd my life around almost two years ago, which kick-started the process to be ending up here at Moody. This semester God has taken me on a 360 road tour of my life. I began thinking I had everything going well. I knew what I was doing, and life was going to be great, but slowly things disintegrated between my fingers. Friendships became distant and some seemed distinct. I became closed off and began to retract into my little cove - anyone who's an extrovert will know this is not a normal tendency. My quiet times became very quiet as I slept instead of read and sulked instead of sung. Them, something beautiful happened. In a moment of complete despair I cried out to the Lord. I asked him that I would feel his presence and hear his voice. As humans we crave affection. Yet for so long, I had lost the craving for the Love of God and instead had replaced it with the mediocre love people on earth could drip into me. A love that can not even closely satisfy.

What I learned in these moments was that Christ was enough. I learned that I didn't need anyone else to love me. I didn't need others to make me feel good or to make me know my worth. I didn't need to fit into this clique, or that group or the cool people sitting at the circle tables. I realised that CHRIST WAS ENOUGH. He did that. He made me feel loved, and he reminded me of my worth. I was reminded that I was so loved and cared for that God sent his son to take the cross for me, so that I didn't have to take the pain myself. As I began to rest in this truth I had so often heard, but neglected, I began to fall deeper and deeper in love with Christ. As I got into the Word, and began to spend time with the Lord, I saw the people he had for me on earth as a gift. I noticed the friendships that were worth time and effort, and worth pursuing. Not for my physical wants and needs, but for my spiritual growth. I noticed people who were so sought after Christ, that their friendship was but a twinkle of the relationship we can have with Christ when we truly seek after him with all of our hearts. 

One of the biggest things I've learned this semester is that CHRIST IS ENOUGH FOR ME. Anything more that he gives me is a gift. The friendships I have that push me to become more and more like Him, are a gift. Relationships are a gift. Be thankful for the people you are surrounded by, but most of all, be thankful for the Saviour who took the cross for YOU, because he loves YOU that much!

My prayer for anyone who has read this through, is that you will know the Fathers love for you. Romans 5:8 says, "But God shows is great love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." This is a love, a gift, a relationship we should not deny. If you've never known the Lord and want to know more, PLEASE talk to me, or to someone else you know is following Christ. It's okay to ask questions!! :) If you're a follower of Christ, but feeling burned out, talk to the Lord. Talk to Him and ask for a renewal of strength to follow him and to seek Him. I hope you can be encouraged by my words in this post too. If you're following the Lord and following Him strong, I praise God that you're seeking Him out! I'm so excited for you, and pray you will continue to whole-heartedly follow Him!

Some of my own prayer requests:
That I will continue to grow stronger in my relationship with the Lord, and won't let anything hinder me from that.
That I will begin to prepare myself for my internship this summer.
That my brother will come to know the love of His Saviour.
Finally, that I will love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind and with all the strength that He gives me and be content with the life and friends he has provided me with so I can be encouraged to pursue Him more. 

Challenge accepted.

I have discovered I love red lipstick. 

My year started off with a challenge. A challenge I chose to accept. A challenge to seek deeper into my relationship with God, to look to him to fill the cracks in my foundations and to really seek Him with all my heart. As I read my devotion for today, it reminded me how much God is in our lives, simply by showing me almost the exact same challenge I was given by an amazing woman last night in my devotional. I want to challenge YOU to seek deeper God's purpose for your life, but to also search out the cracks that could be holding you back from fully serving God in the way He has planned for you!

With that said, I am so excited to fall more and more in love with the person who has loved me before I even touched this earth. He has blessed me so much, and this past year I have been really able to see God's faithfulness in my life. As we sang, "Great is thy faithfulness," at church on Sunday, the words became so much more meaningful as I could fully acknowledge the faithfulness He has shown me specifically this year. Not that He hasn't been faithful to me before now, but it was only recently that I could fully see the scope of just how amazingly faithful the God I serve is. Let me run you through some of these moments:

January through June I continued to attend Capernwray Hall. My relationship grew stronger as my foundations in Jesus Christ grew deeper. God's faithfulness was what got me to Capernwray, and through the ups and downs, to finish the year.

I was able to spend a little under two months in North America visiting old and new friends. God was faithful in all the good and bad times there too. As I dealt with some less happy issues through the summer, God still brought me through every situation, and showed just how amazing He is, and how much I can trust him through everything.

I started my first year of University - or college as the Americans call it - at Moody Bible Institute. As a Youth Min major, I can't wait to seek a deeper understanding in ministering to youth. God gave me that passion, and I already love being able to pour on onto the teenagers God has given me to be with.
Through my time at Moody, I have been blessed with so many great friendships. God's faithfulness in surrounding me with people who are egging me on to seek His kingdom has been so amazing. I have some wonderful friends and I can't wait for them to grow over the years.

I have really been able to see God's faithfulness over my winter break. As going back to the UK costs so much, I looked for somewhere I could stay for Christmas and New Year. A close friend allowed me to stay with her and her family, which then turned into staying with not only her family over New Year, but also another family I had come close with during the summer. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by such loving, amazing, welcoming people. In a time when homesick is HUGE, God gave me family here in Canada. I am so thankful for them all.

These are just a few of the ways in which I have seen God's faithfulness poured out in my life, but know that there are so many other ways He has revealed himself to me.

I cannot wait for what lies ahead in this next year. I don't know much further past this year, but that's okay, cause like I've been saying, God is faithful and He is leading me. I just need to learn to be fully lead by Him. Let me share with you some of the things I'm most looking forward to this year.

One of my closest friends from Capernwray is marrying the man she loves, and I get to be there! I can't wait to join Monica and Jason on their wedding day! My Spring Break is still a mystery, though I do have some fun plans up my sleeve, I just need to wait and see what happens! :) During my break I will turn 20.. No longer a teenager, how weird!!! I also have the HUGE privilege to play one of my closest friends from Moody down the isle on her wedding day in May. Adssss and Elijah, if either of you read this, know that I am SO excited for not only this day, but all the before AND after. I love being a friend of both of yours, and I just love your relationship together. Know that you will however, still have to baby me, and give me attention, you know I need it!! Right after the wedding I will be flying to Texas where I get to not only be an intern at a church I love, but also spend time with family and friends. I can't wait to see my parents. It's going to be the most amazing time. I'm excited for all the other exciting things that is going to happen throughout the year, but the thing I'm most of all looking forward too is seeing my relationship with God grow even deeper.

I pray you all have a wonderful year, and will continue to join me in seeking God more :)! Keep coming back if you would like to see some updates. I really appreciate the prayers from those who do! You're all great :)!

Had so much fun with these girls during my
 first week of break with them!

The most hilarious day of skating up on the trails in Muskoka.
You would never have known I used to skate. I probably spent
more time on the ground than up, but that's okay. I'll
blame it on the skates ;) 

I spent New Years Eve with some of my favs!

I LOVE this girl to pieces. She has been a HUGE blessing
in the last six months, and I am so thankful for our friendship. I
LOVE this picture of us!!

Feel free to write to me, my address is:

Sarah Ross CPO 2044

820 N. LaSalle Blvd

Chicago 60610

USA

It's a white Christmas.

Let me lay out my surroundings for you before you read any further. First of all, it's Christmas Eve, but that's not a surrounding, that's a fact. I'm currently sitting at a high, mahogany, dining-room table, on one of those comfy, black, luxurious seats. There is a beautiful, decorated Christmas tree with tinsel and lights that glisten in the evenings. As I look around the room I see three stockings hanging on the fire place, waiting to be filled with Santa's treats. I see presents wrapped, with bows and pretty paper, just waiting to be torn open come the morning. As I continue to gaze around my surroundings, I look out the glass-paned patio doors. This is where the real beauty comes. I see the white snow piling up as the sky lets more snow fall each day. The trampoline is some-what covered and weighed down by the huge amount of snow that has fallen on it. As for the volley-ball court, all you can see is the two wooden posts, and a limp net hanging from either end. In-front of the court, there's the foundations to a rather accidentally large wannabe igloo. As I look behind the court the trees stand high without a care in the world. The branches are laden with snow, yet you can still see some slight tinges of red and green. It really is a beautiful site, and I wish you could share it with me. Yes, YOU! I don't know where you are reading this from in the world, but I'm writing it from a beautiful home in Bracebridge, Canada. I am more than 3000 miles away from home, and yet I feel a slight peace about it. Yes, of course I miss my family, and I would have loved to spend my break from school back in Scotland, but that is not where God sent me to. 

I have been blessed with some of the most amazing friendships this year, ones I hope to never lose. I am so excited to be spending my break here in Canada, in this beautiful winter wonderland, with some of these friends. Some plans were changed as power left the homes of friends and family around the area, and yet, I still felt this constant sense of calmness. God has gifted me with a home to stay in, and three beautiful women to live with. I have gained yet another mother figure, and two younger sisters. As the three of us girls snuggled in my futon bed, we discussed the travel arrangements for the next couple of days. I reminded the girls a reminder that was not just for them, but for me too. We come together at Christmas to remember the significance of Christmas day. The day that God's redemption plan came into full-frontal GO. We use this time to remember the gift that God gave us, and also to spend time with family and friends. Whether you have to drive ten minutes, or 10 hours, it's still worth the travel, to share love with your family. God has given me this family to be mine for the break. I reminded them that yes, travelling sometimes isn't the ideal thing to do on holidays, but when you're travelling to spend time with loved ones, it's so totally worth it. Especially when other people around don't have family to spend it with. I suppose I was talking about myself here in a sense, yet I knew that these girls were my family too, and I am just so happy to be here. 

If I wasn't here there are a number of things I would not have been able to do:

1. Build an igloo

2. Have a white Christmas

3. Play in the snow

4. See close friends

5. Share my testimony to the girls

6. Spend time with the girls - hopefully as a good influence.

7. Adventure through Toronto

Lastly, I probably wouldn't have been able to appreciate what it is to find family out-with your own home.

Here's a few things I'm excited for this Christmas:
1. Waking up with the girls in the morning.

2. Spending Christmas in a beautiful country

3. Continuing to remember the grace God has for us, and how much He has changed my life.

4. Christmas carol service tonight.

5. Family time.

6. FOOD.

7. Giving to others.

My prayer for you this Christmas is that you not only enjoy yourself, and have fun with family and friends, but that you also remember the wonderful gift that God gave us. He sent Jesus Christ as a real man, so that YOU could be saved. 

Have a wonderful Christmas

For a better world through Christ, 

Sarah xox

p.s. Enjoy some fun pictures from my break so far.

p.p.s If you haven't already, I would LOVE to receive your newsletters or cards, get in touch and I can message you my address :)

What God has prepared for us.

"No eye has seen no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9

All I can really say about this verse is YES!

I often wonder the direction my life is going in. A year ago I would never have been able to tell you that being here in Chicago was even a possibility. I never saw this opportunity coming, and in a matter of a few months I was accepted to this wonderful school. I was reminded this morning, that even in the midst of finals week fast approaching, and all the stress that comes with it, someone else wanted to be in my place. It was not God's will for them to be here, but it was His will that I be here. That blows my mind. It's such a gift. 

I just got back from a fantastic week off. I spent it with one of the most amazing families. I love them so dearly, and I can't begin to imagine what God is going to do with these new friendships. One thing I can tell you is that I am so content with resting in his presence and waiting to see where He leads me. 

From a little girl, i have always loved America. As I grew older, I always thought it would be super cool to live in America and work. When I had the opportunity to study here, I grabbed it with both hands. This was my chance. The only thing is, God's been preparing my heart for something else. I don't know where I'm going to go after I graduate from here. I still have three and a half years to go until that becomes an actual real thing, but it's still crazy to think that He knows exactly where He wants me to go. I pray that that is exactly where I will go, even though I don't know where that is right now. 

My heart has been torn for the UK. To see how deprived it is from the gospel, and to see youth growing up in a culture that tells them that sex, drinking and partying is normal no longer sits right with me. I was one of those teens. I used to scream at my parents, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT I DO IS NORMAL!!!" How is that sort of lifestyle normal for a 16 year old? IT ISN'T. But our pears, the media and the people we look up to tells us differently. I'm not sure if, in 3.5 years I will go back to the UK, but I certainly pray for my homeland that people realise their need for Christ, and they realise it soon. I also know, that I can't even begin to comprehend what God is going to do with my life. I love Him SO much, and I'm excited for this journey I am just beginning.

For some strange reason I have found this so easy to write, as for the other ten or so essays I have to write over the next two weeks, not so much. I hope you can be encouraged by what I have said tonight somehow. Let me just leave you with the verse I began with:

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corinthians 2:9!

Enjoy your day, night, sleep or work! Whatever you're up to right now! Oh, and here's a couple of pictures too, cause every blog needs a picture to go along with it!

I'm down to my last Crunchie bar. Thanks pops for sending me them! I'm super thankful for sweet, little gifts like this! Love you! (P.s. If you're wondering what to send me for Christmas, some classic, non-nut, sweets will be happily accepted. Also, I would LOVE to receive your family newsletters! I hope to have one sent out soon!)

I decorated my wall. Can you see the treeee? :D

YAHOO.

I feel like I have so much to write, but I'm going to keep it down to just a few things. The picture above is how I feel about having to put everything into words.
Since arriving in Chicago, I've had the most phenomenal time. I have made so many friends, and learned so much already! I've already hit 10 states - not including the ones from previous years that I've been too and boy, has it been fun!

I suppose I'll work backwards in tellign you some.. stufff..
Today I will be heading back to college. I am currently writing to you from Wisconsin. I'm in a beautiful home, around cut down corn fields, with beautiful scenery all around. It reminds me of how I want to have my home one day - bursting with my own kids and other people's too. I have spent my first thanks giving in the home of the Kloths. I go to school with Christian, and I had the privilege of meeting his mum a few months ago. When we connected over times from our pasts, a beautiful friendship was created by God. Melanie asked me to come join the family for thanks giving, and I couldn't wait for break to arrive. Now, it's so crazy that it's already over!

I wish I could go back to the days where I got
thrown in the air onto a bed, and could
find the fun in it over and over!!

I have spent my five day break with one of the most wonderful families. I am so blessed to be here, and to have found a home. I have been so relaxed all weekend. We have watched movies, played games and sat up late talking. I want to share with you some of the things I have been thankful over the short break.

The first thing I am thankful for is family. My family at home, but also the family that I have spent the past few days with. There is so much love here, and I LOVE that! I am thankful for the new little sisters that I have. Many of you will know how much I love kids, and so having the opportunity to spend time with these three sweet girls has been great. I'm sad to leave them, but can't wait for them to come to Chicago to visit.
I am so super thankful for the opportunity to travel. To be able to be at a college in Chicago, where I am constantly getting into God's word, and growing in my relationship with Him every day. I love that I have the chance to visit different states, and see different places. It's SO cool!

Check out our straight faces.. And Nata.. Biting..

I am thankful for the friendships God has given me here in the states. As a people person, it would SUCK to have no friends. Growing up, I was constantly seeking friendship, but struggled a lot, and constantly moved from friend group to friend group. God has totally revealed himself to me, and shown me how He is the most important friend I could have. When I then chose to accept that he then gave me other friends here. I am just so thankful for the people who I now have in my life.

The view out of the window was beautiful!

Something else I would love to share with you is just the work of Christ in me. I have been in Christian college since September last year. Every time I had the chance to go home, I slipped up majorly with some of the things I have been struggling with over the past few years. I knew that if I trusted that God to keep me from those things, he would, but I always just gave in, and got involved, or wrapped up in those things. My break away from college this time has been a time of struggle also. However, this time, I have been able beat the things Satan was really tempting me with. It's been so cool to see what can happen when you really get so serious! :)

My first ever REAL thanksgiving dinner! YUM!

I'm excited to get back to school, but also sad to be leaving a lovely home. As we come into this next season, can I ask you again, just to pray for my home sickness. Apparently, the 3rd, 6th and 9th months away from home are the worst. It just so happens, my 6th months comes right on Christmas day. I am going to be surrounded by another wonderful family who I love dearly, but it will still be a funny day being away from home.

I pray that you will be encouraged by what you've read today somehow, and that you will have a lovely winter season, and remember the real reason that we celebrate Christmas!!

I love this little munchkin!

See you some time buddy.

29.9.06-20.11.12
Caden is alive forever more. 

I can't believe it's been a year since Caden Beggan died. That little boys life had a HUGE influence on me. The strange thing is, that came after he passed away. As many of you will know, I have been running with Moody Bible Institute's Cross Country team. It has been a pleasure to be a part of a Moody Sports team, and I loved it so much, but there were also the horribly difficult trials that it brought.

For those of you who don't know who Caden is, he is a little boy from a town near where I live. When I heard the story of what had happened to him, my heart broke for him and for his family. God used this to really open me up to praying, and to ask others for prayer too. Between the 23rd of October, the 20th of November 2012, Caden fought Meningococcal Septicemia, but after four weeks of  fighting, he passed away.

I struggled so hard with the news, even though I didn't personally know him. I felt like I knew this little boy like the back of my hand. His funeral was the first I have ever witnessed, and it was beautiful. I watched through the online stream, as I was still studying in England. I really struggled with God over why this had all happened, and why it had affected me so much. Now, on the 20th of November 2013, I know the reason why.

We often forget how much of a blessing it is to have the simple things. I remember being challenged about the cross country team here at Moody. My reply was always, "I'm not good enough," "I'm not fit enough," or something along those lines. Not only was I lying to myself, but I was lying to everyone else.

Caden had been in my mind one day when I was challenged about running, and all of a sudden I had this tiny voice questioning WHY I couldn't go out and run? I have been blessed with two perfectly working legs, that had been made strong from sports all through high schools. Who was I to say I couldn't do it when I hadn't even tried. Remembering the life Caden may have had on earth, without his natural limbs suddenly made me feel very selfish, and just not right.

I arrived at Moody, knowing what I had to do, and honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that I was doing it for God's glory, and to remember Caden.

I can't believe that the season is over. I never got to run at a meet, but I got to be a part of the team. I got to go from running to the end of the street, to running a 5k. You might be reading this, and thinking that's pathetic, but for me, I'll take that. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions, and I came close to quitting, but God gave me the strength. I have had so many cool opportunities with being a part of the team, and I am so thankful.

"THIS SUCKS!" "It's absolutely s c o r c h i n g here." "I RAN 5K!!!!" "I crossed over the road and got to the driving range. I NEVER KNEW IT EXISTED! BOOM BABY." "IT HURTS" "run 100 metres flat out.. I decided to just go for it, and I think I kind of surprised coach."

I'll never forget Caden Beggan, and the impact he has had, and is still having in my life. It's been a year, and I know why God had me as a prayer warrior for this little guy. I can't wait to spend time with him one day.

I have a vision.

I have a vision. A vision where teenagers are no longer looked down on. Where teenagers are no longer stereotyped into one or the other. I have a vision where teenagers will lead, follow, help, serve, listen, teach, and rise up to be the best that they can be. I have a vision that teenagers will no longer sit at the back, tapping on their phones, facebooking, tweeting or checking out who's posted what on instagram. My vision is that these young men and women will find purpose in their lives, and not in an empty bottle of vodka or their favourite book. That they will rise up to be leaders, teachers, pastors, servers and helpers. That they will be honest, faithful, just, kind, caring and confident.

Most of all, my vision is to see young men and women stand up for OUR GOD. The God who knitted them together in their mothers womb. The One who has called them by name. The One who knows how many hairs are on our head. I want to see these young people stand up and take action in their own lives, in their friends lives, and in their church's to glorify THEIR GOD.

I want to see the younger generation rise up and realise that they have a place in the church. That they are wanted in the church, and that they need to be in the church. I want them to realise they are loved not only by their friends and family, but by OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. I want them to realise HOW MUCH they are loved, and HOW MUCH they are worth.

Friends will you pray with me as I pursue this need and no longer let is stay a vision. Pray over the young people in your church, the ones who sit at the back with no interest at all - that was me - but also pray for the ones who sit with their family, seemingly interested. Pray that their hearts will be being formed by God to fully acknowledge the gift we can have in knowing our heavenly father as our own personal Saviour. Pray that God will stir their hearts, and they will follow their new-found passions. Pray for the people who are working with the teens right now, that they will equip these young men and women for not only the future, but for NOW. Also, thank God for the teenagers who are rising up, and taking a stand, who are making a difference, and who are following the call God has given them. Lastly, pray for the teens who have no connections to a church. Pray that God will use someone to reach them, and show them what life with Christ is like. 

Finally, I want to thank YOU for taking time to read this blog-post. I know not all churches are like this, but it's something that has been on my heart a lot recently, and as a youth min major, you can probably understand why. Sorry if I have been slightly stereotypical myself, but these words came from my heart. I want to encourage you to daily pray for the church. Your own church, your pastor, leaders and congregation from babies to eighties and older. Pray for the people who are going to be the future leaders in your church. YOU matter and THEY matter. Let's work together to fit everyone in, and find their place. 

One final note: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as Working for the Lord, not for human masters." Colossians 3:23