I have moved to America.

So, I've finally arrived at my destination for the next two and a half weeks. The sun is at a very warm temperature.. So I am hibernating indoors.. No tan for me.. Haha Just kidding, I'll be out there soon, but for now, I want to update you guys on the past couple days.

So I left Glasgow airport without any problems.. Apart from a delayed flight which then ran on to giving me less time to catch my next one. But I managed. I got on them all and got to Toronto. What a relief it was to be able to take so much stuff out my case and pack it into the one that was staying in Toronto. I also left my fiddle there too. I met Caleb as I came out the gate and we talked until his parents and sister, Kenzie, got there. We hopped in the car and were on out way. I literally didn't stop. We drove to the border, and managed to take a quick stop to view Niagara Falls. It wasn't how I had pictured it to be. It was cool though! 

After seeing the falls we hopped back in the car, and went to the border. This was my 3rd time in customs in a day. Only, I didnt actually need to go as I had already been in America that day. It was all a bit funny really! But I had Janine along for the Brit ride too, so that was fine! We managed to get out of there without any problems, and headed for some food. We got a mcdonald's the first I've had in months and got to the hotel and settles in for the night. A bed has never been so inviting before!! I got some internet and the next thing I knew, I was waking up. My body clock was screaming at me cause neither of us knew what time it was or how to even deal with time, but it got sorted out eventually.

We took a short drive to Tim Hortons where I had my first experience of one, and then drove into the airport. Check in has never been so easy, and security went very fast and before I knew it, I had said goodbye to Caleb and his family and I was on my way to Cleveland. The flight took half an hour and I had plenty of time to get to my next gate to make my final flight to Dallas. The flight was a little longer, but I had my Bible, a book and some lectures on my phone, so I passed the time with that. 

It was great! I was listening to the first of a series called Life Issues by David Twite. And it was talking about how much of a need we have for God. It was awesome! And came at a great time. It was basically talking about the situation I had been in. That everything had crashed and i was so low down that all I could do was look up. Steph had obviously been listening when he had lectured at her school. Haha. I was really glad these were the lectures I had put on my phone. 

Anyway, I got to Dallas, and Fred picked me up from the airport as he had just flown in from another. We drove to Denton and it was so nice to be able to say I was finally home again. The warmth was so nice and the faces I got to see were even nicer! And well.. that's about it for now! I had a great sleep, and now I'm just chilling. I'll hopefully get a sim card today! And get my application off for helping out at a youth event thingy :D Who knowssss!

I was 18 going on 19.

So here's the generic finished bible school blog post. However, I want to take you back a little further first. I hope you enjoy.

Let me take you back to the 18 year old me. Let's says the 16th of March? My 18th birthday. The weekend of not only by "big birthday" but also the women's weekend at the church. Somewhere along the line I said yes to playing in the worship. Well, that was a train wreck. My night wasn't set on what Hilary Price was going to talk about, my night was set on how completely and utterly plastered I could get. My night can't have been that super, as I don't remember what I did. That, or I was just too drunk and the memory hasn't stuck.
For the next while, my life consisted of pubs, clubs, house parties. Boys, boys and more boys. Oh, and driving my mums car when I was allowed. It was also filled with lie after lie after lie to both of my parents. But not only them. To close friends, to the people are church, and most of all to myself. 
You see, God has always been a part of my life. I grew up in a family where He was represented in my home, in my parents marriage and their upbringing of my brother and I. I knew He existed, and I knew He loved me but that was the most of it. I denied Him access to my life almost every day. It's funny cause at this time, I was looking at my life and thinking wow, look how far I've came. YEAHRIGHT.. I'd came from being picked up by guys, from having others buy me drink and cigarettes, and from using fake ID's to get sold to having my own car to drive, and having my own ID to buy what I wanted. Life was good. I had friends; great friends! I had money, I had a car, I was legal and I wasn't too bad looking apparently.. But there would be nights when I was so out of it, God spoke so loudly to me. I'd listen, and I'd try to act on it, but the next morning when I woke up with a banging headache, I'd soon forget that I'd heard God's voice.
One night however, as I was outside the club I PR'd for, I had taken a seat. I was alone for once, and I wasn't drunk. God's voice almost thundered through my body. My life that had once been fun, proved to be becoming very repetitive. Boring almost. It was in that silence that God's words spoke straight to my heart. A hole had been there for so long, but I kept finding things to fill it up temporarily. All of a sudden, I knew what I needed to do. With the decision of going to Capernwray already set, I realised a change needed to come. A serious change.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't get up and leave and become a nun, I think I did leave though.. My life took a turn for the better. Dad and I took a road trip, with some amazing experiences, I had a couple amazing weeks at Capernwray, with great teaching, and god baptised. Then I got to capernwray.

And here I am now, finished. The 19 year old me. 

Capernwray Hall - an old manor house for any of you who don't know it, is a christian based bible school which runs through the school time, and offers holidays for different ages through the holiday seasons. I've been going there since I can remember and it has always held a special place in my heart. I went there knowing many people, and was so excited. I WAS ACTUALLY LIVING THERE! I was surrounded my 170 other students, mostly North Americans. We were all roughly the same age, and taking a year out to figure out what was next, but in the mean time finding a deeper relationship with God. 
Winter School (September - March) was 6 of the most amazing months of my life. I made best friends whom i will have for life. God blessed me with great opportunities in playing for the worship bands, sharing my testimony with friends and strangers and gave me great outreaches! When I started in September, I had no idea what I would do after, I wasn't worried about it though. A lecturer came and spoke about Moody Bible Institute - a school I've heard about and have friends who attend there, but at first it seemed impossible to go. I mean, it's an American school, it would cost a bomb! But then it came. The three words that changed everything. Well, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but they did help me make a decision. "Tuition is free" MUM DAD I WANT TO GO TO MOODY!!! TUITIONS FREE!. Seems like a good reason to go to America to study at a big Bible Institute, eh? Yes, and no. I mean, it's great, but I hadn't even looked up majors. It was during my outreach to a local youth club I realised my passion for youth. Youth like me. So messed up, confused, and going down a path that led to total destruction. God laid teen work on my heart, and I knew that there was nothing else I wanted to do more. God has given me a testimony to reach out to people who are just like me. I looked into Moody, prayed, spoke with numerous people, and I got the go ahead from my parents. God opened all the doors I needed, and I was accepted.
Life was actually starting to work out. I had some of the best friends both at capernwray and at home that I could ask for, and had a great boyfriend who couldn't be better really (well, maybe if he knew how to keep a clean shaven face..;) hah) I really was content with where God had me. Lectures weren't always fantastic, and there was times I wondered what on earth the lecturer was going on about. But there were also ones where God was speaking right to me through the lecturer. It's safe to say I learned a lot in Winter School, both spiritually, and in living in general. Winter School came to an end far too fast. The goodbye's were horrible but were replaced with "see you laters." Some of my closest friends left that day. It sucked BIG time. But I had fun times ahead to look forward too. Connect (11-13 years holiday), womens weekends and choice. Spending time on staff with friends and then Spring School. I was excited. 
The break was soon over, and school was about to start again. But the day the new students arrived, I got sick. Really sick. It was made worse by my emotions rocketing with comments like "you'll see new faces, and old faces, and then there's the faces you want to see, but you won't cause they aren't coming back." BOOM. I was exhausted, emotional and lonely. I spent the first week in bed, and found Spring School as a whole close to impossible. 
It's funny how at a Bible School, you can almost forget about God. Satan had taken control in many ways, speaking lies into my life. Lies I was unconsciously believing. "You're a loner. You're not meant to be here. These lectures are irrelevant. Go home!" Wow. To have gone from being so fired up for God, to being this low was crazy. In my 6th week (i think) I became covered in a red spotty rash, and was having night terrors almost every night. I wanted to come home so bad. I didn't care about finishing, and getting a certificate. I just wanted to come home. But it was on the night I was begging my mum to let me leave, that a great friend God had placed at Spring school spoke to me. "I want to be where you are" were the words she said. I thought she was crazy. Seriously. But it made sense. After thinking it over in the week following this evening, God spoke into my life and I was constantly trampling down on Satan. He was not getting control. 
I would say that out of my whole experience at Capernwray, through the whole 9 months Reliance has been one of the biggest things God has been teaching me. For Spring school specifically Perseverance has also been a huge lesson i've learned. 

I am very happy to say I completed both Winter and Spring school passing the whole course. This involved many essays, late nights, last minutes, tests, reading the whole Bible, asking questions, listening to hundreds(literally) of lectures and a whole lot of God time. 

God has changed my life in the last year, dramatically. He is the only one who can do this. I couldn't have done it on my own. I do however, recognise the need to continue this full reliance on Him. I'm fixed in areas, but not all of them. But as we left on Thursday evening our principle, Rob, reminded us that the things God has worked in our lives these past 9 months are exactly the things that Satan will attempt to brake away at for the future.

I ask that you will pray for me as I move very quickly into the next chapter of my life. I move to North America a week on Tuesday, and will begin studying at Moody Bible Institute on the 17th of August. I ask that you will pray for safe travels, and that things run well together. That I will continue to come to God in everything, not just the difficult things, and that I will strive for His kingdom in everything I do. I'm sooooo excited, and so thankful for the opportunities I've already had, and can't wait for more. Our God is an awesome God, and I'm so glad I finally chose to listen to Him, and to allow Him control in my life. He's taught me so much, and repaired relationships I didn't even think possible. He's given me new life and direction. Can I ask for prayer too, in the relationships that I have built over these 9 months that they will continue to speak truth in my life and that we will all be able to help each other do God's will for our lives. 

I'll be blogging as much as I can, so keep a look out :)

Whirlwind of emotions.

Wow, it's crazy how much Satan can pull us down when we let him. I have just had a couple of the most hard days at Capernwray. I was in fact packed up, and almost ready to go home. I've never been in such despair about any situation. For the last couple of weeks I have been fighting off some bad exema, but it just wasn't going. At the weekend, it flared up much worse than at any other time. Putting that and the night terrors I've been having together, it was noticed that perhaps I'm stressed out. I mean, I don't feel stressed? But apparently that happens? I guess it would make sense with such a big change about to happen. However, my biggest problem with all of this was, again, I'd forgotten to let God into this situation. Along with the sickness - if you can call it that - I still continued to feel slightly out of place. To have gone from knowing almost everyone at school - to not being sure whether someone's a visitor, or infact a student - my emotions got the better of me. This was  Satan's perfect time to speak into my life, and I began to listen. I was so set on going home, I wouldn't let anyone tell me different. As I went to sleep on Monday night, I tossed and turned, and struggled to get to seleep. I woke up on Tuesday a little less stressed, and i guess with a bit of a more open mind to what people had to say. Having spoke with people the previous night, I replayed those conversations, and also talked with a couple of other people and decided that here is exactly where I need to be. 

Capernwray is a great place to make life-long friends. But that isn't the reason I'm there. I'm there to seek out a deeper relationship and knowledge of my Heavenly Father. I have made some good friendships at Capernwray during Spring School, and one explained to me how she wished she was in my situation. At first, I thought this was weird; rashed, not sleeping, lonely in a house full of friends and longing to get out, WHY would anyone want to be where I was. Then it clicked. This is the time God wants to work through my life the most.

I took some advice from an older mentor, and took some time out to relax. When asked what I do to relax, I had to pause for a minute. Then it came to me, I love to bake. And with a friends birthday tomorrow, it was great timing to incorporate spending time with God, alone in a home, whilst doing something I enjoy.

The past two days have still been difficult, but I have been much more at peace, and I am starting to heal. We all need to be constantly reminded of the truth that comes from Deuteronomy 31:6. Yes, it was said for them, but it very much applies to us too: "He will never leave you, nor forsake you" He was just waiting for me to notice that He was standing with His arms open wide, beckoning me to come to Him. 

This hasn't been the most ideal way to end Bible School, but being broken down to the point where the only thing I can do is rely on God to get me through has been one of the best things that could have happened. We've just finished a week of lectures on where we were looking at the gifts, passions and the type of person we are that makes us who were are and it has been great. 


I'm shocked at how quickly this time has gone, but it's only a week or so more and I will be home with my family. I'm so excited, but I'm also so glad that I have chosen to stay here - even if it took some persuading. My time here hasn't been all bad. I've had some amazing talks with people, and some hilarious times with my friends. I also completed my level two kayak cert, and so that was a super fun day! 




If you could pray for the healing of my skin and that the night terrors go away, and also that I keep my focus on God as I finish up this last week here, I would really appreciate it! Thanks! :)