I was 18 going on 19.

So here's the generic finished bible school blog post. However, I want to take you back a little further first. I hope you enjoy.

Let me take you back to the 18 year old me. Let's says the 16th of March? My 18th birthday. The weekend of not only by "big birthday" but also the women's weekend at the church. Somewhere along the line I said yes to playing in the worship. Well, that was a train wreck. My night wasn't set on what Hilary Price was going to talk about, my night was set on how completely and utterly plastered I could get. My night can't have been that super, as I don't remember what I did. That, or I was just too drunk and the memory hasn't stuck.
For the next while, my life consisted of pubs, clubs, house parties. Boys, boys and more boys. Oh, and driving my mums car when I was allowed. It was also filled with lie after lie after lie to both of my parents. But not only them. To close friends, to the people are church, and most of all to myself. 
You see, God has always been a part of my life. I grew up in a family where He was represented in my home, in my parents marriage and their upbringing of my brother and I. I knew He existed, and I knew He loved me but that was the most of it. I denied Him access to my life almost every day. It's funny cause at this time, I was looking at my life and thinking wow, look how far I've came. YEAHRIGHT.. I'd came from being picked up by guys, from having others buy me drink and cigarettes, and from using fake ID's to get sold to having my own car to drive, and having my own ID to buy what I wanted. Life was good. I had friends; great friends! I had money, I had a car, I was legal and I wasn't too bad looking apparently.. But there would be nights when I was so out of it, God spoke so loudly to me. I'd listen, and I'd try to act on it, but the next morning when I woke up with a banging headache, I'd soon forget that I'd heard God's voice.
One night however, as I was outside the club I PR'd for, I had taken a seat. I was alone for once, and I wasn't drunk. God's voice almost thundered through my body. My life that had once been fun, proved to be becoming very repetitive. Boring almost. It was in that silence that God's words spoke straight to my heart. A hole had been there for so long, but I kept finding things to fill it up temporarily. All of a sudden, I knew what I needed to do. With the decision of going to Capernwray already set, I realised a change needed to come. A serious change.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't get up and leave and become a nun, I think I did leave though.. My life took a turn for the better. Dad and I took a road trip, with some amazing experiences, I had a couple amazing weeks at Capernwray, with great teaching, and god baptised. Then I got to capernwray.

And here I am now, finished. The 19 year old me. 

Capernwray Hall - an old manor house for any of you who don't know it, is a christian based bible school which runs through the school time, and offers holidays for different ages through the holiday seasons. I've been going there since I can remember and it has always held a special place in my heart. I went there knowing many people, and was so excited. I WAS ACTUALLY LIVING THERE! I was surrounded my 170 other students, mostly North Americans. We were all roughly the same age, and taking a year out to figure out what was next, but in the mean time finding a deeper relationship with God. 
Winter School (September - March) was 6 of the most amazing months of my life. I made best friends whom i will have for life. God blessed me with great opportunities in playing for the worship bands, sharing my testimony with friends and strangers and gave me great outreaches! When I started in September, I had no idea what I would do after, I wasn't worried about it though. A lecturer came and spoke about Moody Bible Institute - a school I've heard about and have friends who attend there, but at first it seemed impossible to go. I mean, it's an American school, it would cost a bomb! But then it came. The three words that changed everything. Well, maybe that's a bit dramatic, but they did help me make a decision. "Tuition is free" MUM DAD I WANT TO GO TO MOODY!!! TUITIONS FREE!. Seems like a good reason to go to America to study at a big Bible Institute, eh? Yes, and no. I mean, it's great, but I hadn't even looked up majors. It was during my outreach to a local youth club I realised my passion for youth. Youth like me. So messed up, confused, and going down a path that led to total destruction. God laid teen work on my heart, and I knew that there was nothing else I wanted to do more. God has given me a testimony to reach out to people who are just like me. I looked into Moody, prayed, spoke with numerous people, and I got the go ahead from my parents. God opened all the doors I needed, and I was accepted.
Life was actually starting to work out. I had some of the best friends both at capernwray and at home that I could ask for, and had a great boyfriend who couldn't be better really (well, maybe if he knew how to keep a clean shaven face..;) hah) I really was content with where God had me. Lectures weren't always fantastic, and there was times I wondered what on earth the lecturer was going on about. But there were also ones where God was speaking right to me through the lecturer. It's safe to say I learned a lot in Winter School, both spiritually, and in living in general. Winter School came to an end far too fast. The goodbye's were horrible but were replaced with "see you laters." Some of my closest friends left that day. It sucked BIG time. But I had fun times ahead to look forward too. Connect (11-13 years holiday), womens weekends and choice. Spending time on staff with friends and then Spring School. I was excited. 
The break was soon over, and school was about to start again. But the day the new students arrived, I got sick. Really sick. It was made worse by my emotions rocketing with comments like "you'll see new faces, and old faces, and then there's the faces you want to see, but you won't cause they aren't coming back." BOOM. I was exhausted, emotional and lonely. I spent the first week in bed, and found Spring School as a whole close to impossible. 
It's funny how at a Bible School, you can almost forget about God. Satan had taken control in many ways, speaking lies into my life. Lies I was unconsciously believing. "You're a loner. You're not meant to be here. These lectures are irrelevant. Go home!" Wow. To have gone from being so fired up for God, to being this low was crazy. In my 6th week (i think) I became covered in a red spotty rash, and was having night terrors almost every night. I wanted to come home so bad. I didn't care about finishing, and getting a certificate. I just wanted to come home. But it was on the night I was begging my mum to let me leave, that a great friend God had placed at Spring school spoke to me. "I want to be where you are" were the words she said. I thought she was crazy. Seriously. But it made sense. After thinking it over in the week following this evening, God spoke into my life and I was constantly trampling down on Satan. He was not getting control. 
I would say that out of my whole experience at Capernwray, through the whole 9 months Reliance has been one of the biggest things God has been teaching me. For Spring school specifically Perseverance has also been a huge lesson i've learned. 

I am very happy to say I completed both Winter and Spring school passing the whole course. This involved many essays, late nights, last minutes, tests, reading the whole Bible, asking questions, listening to hundreds(literally) of lectures and a whole lot of God time. 

God has changed my life in the last year, dramatically. He is the only one who can do this. I couldn't have done it on my own. I do however, recognise the need to continue this full reliance on Him. I'm fixed in areas, but not all of them. But as we left on Thursday evening our principle, Rob, reminded us that the things God has worked in our lives these past 9 months are exactly the things that Satan will attempt to brake away at for the future.

I ask that you will pray for me as I move very quickly into the next chapter of my life. I move to North America a week on Tuesday, and will begin studying at Moody Bible Institute on the 17th of August. I ask that you will pray for safe travels, and that things run well together. That I will continue to come to God in everything, not just the difficult things, and that I will strive for His kingdom in everything I do. I'm sooooo excited, and so thankful for the opportunities I've already had, and can't wait for more. Our God is an awesome God, and I'm so glad I finally chose to listen to Him, and to allow Him control in my life. He's taught me so much, and repaired relationships I didn't even think possible. He's given me new life and direction. Can I ask for prayer too, in the relationships that I have built over these 9 months that they will continue to speak truth in my life and that we will all be able to help each other do God's will for our lives. 

I'll be blogging as much as I can, so keep a look out :)